Glasgow Comedy Festival

Bee Material (Bee-hind the scenes of Nev: Buzz)

The comedian stares blankly at a blank piece of paper.  He has decided to set himself a challenge for his next hour-long show. He’s going to write and perform an hour long show entirely about bees. Why bees?  He likes bees. Bees make him happy. But the bees are dying. He wants to save the bees. 

 

But how do you start a comedy show entirely about bees? 
Start with a joke. 
A nice easy joke about bees. Something like…
He writes; 
What music do bees listen to?
-Sting
He thinks 
 (Nah that’s shit)
What music do bees listen to?
-Bee-once Knowles
(Too obvious)
What music do bees listen to?
-The Bee Gees
(Way to obvious) 
What music do bees listen to?
Katy Bee
(Potentially either way way too obvious or not obvious enough? Although she had some early success with Magnetic Man and first album On a Mission, Britain’s queen of dubstep influenced pop is a deeply underrated and underappreciated artist) 
Bruce Springsteen and the Bee Street Band, Eric Bee & Rakim…
David Bow-Bee
(Too soon) 
Fugaz-Bee. Bee La Soul, Dead Kenne-bees…
Bee-jork
(If you remember you already did a Bjork pun in a rant about yorkie bars in the previous show) 
(The same goes for Thom York-bee)   
Buzz-Markie. Bee-vo. Run Bee M.C …
Bee- J Shadow
(No… just terrible) 
Siouxis-Bee & the Bansh-Bees, The Prodig-Bee, Eighties Matchbox Bee-Line Disaster, Gold-Bee Lookin’ Chain…
The Jam
(Doesn’t work. Bees don’t make jam. Wasps like jam. I fucking hate wasps)
Bee-hemoth
(You’re already doing an hour on bees, don’t subject your audience to bee puns related to your favourite Polish death metal band)
Jam-iroquai
(Same problem, bees don’t make jam)
(Fuck wasps) 
The Bee-eatles
(Doesn’t work as it makes you think of beetles instead of bees)   
The Bee-stie Boys
(Or… wait a minute…)
The Bee-string Boys
(I’m hungry)
Ol’ Dirty Bee-stard
(I want a sandwitch. I’ll write this joke then I’ll make a sandwich)
 (I’m really hungry)
He writes; 
What music do bees listen to?
Sting
(Why did I pick bees?!)
First joke written, only another 59 mins and 48 seconds of material to go. 
Our comedian leaves the room to make a sandwich.  
(Authors note: After careful consideration I decided that this joke won’t make it into the show) 
Nev: Buzz is on at The Griffin 24th March 2016 at 9.30pm 
50% of each ticket will be donated towards a bee-saving charity)
@voodoopineapple 

But how do you start a comedy show entirely about bees? 

Start with a joke.

A nice easy joke about bees. Something like…

He writes; 

What music do bees listen to?

-Sting

He thinks; 

(Nah that’s shit...)


What music do bees listen to?

-Bee-once Knowles

(Too obvious...)


What music do bees listen to?

-The Bee Gee

(Way to obvious...) 


What music do bees listen to?

-Katy Bee

(Potentially either way way too obvious or not obvious enough? Although she had some early success with Magnetic Man and first album On a Mission, Britain’s queen of dubstep influenced pop is a deeply underrated and underappreciated artist.) 

 

Bruce Springsteen and the Bee Street Band, Eric Bee & Rakim…

 

David Bow-Bee

(Too soon...) 


Fugaz-Bee. Bee La Soul, Dead Kenne-bees…


Bee-jork...

(If you remember you already did a Bjork pun in a rant about yorkie bars in the previous show.) 

(The same goes for Thom York-bee.)   


Buzz-Markie. Bee-vo. Run Bee M.C …


Bee- J Shadow


(No… just terrible...) 


Siouxis-Bee & the Bansh-Bees, The Prodig-Bee, Eighties Matchbox Bee-Line Disaster, Gold-Bee Lookin’ Chain…


The Jam

(Doesn’t work. Bees don’t make jam. Wasps like jam. I fucking hate wasps...)


Bee-hemoth...

(You’re already doing an hour on bees, don’t subject your audience to bee puns related to your favourite Polish death metal band.)


Jam-iroquai...

(Same problem, bees don’t make jam...)

(Fuck wasps...) 


The Bee-eatles...

(Doesn’t work as it makes you think of beetles instead of bees.)   


The Bee-stie Boys

(Or… wait a minute…)


The Bee-string Boys

(I’m hungry...)


Ol’ Dirty Bee-stard...

(I want a sandwich. I’ll write this joke then I’ll make a sandwich...) 

(I’m really hungry...)


He writes; 

What music do bees listen to?

-Sting

(Why did I pick bees?!)

 

First joke written, only another 59 mins and 48 seconds of material to go. Our comedian leaves the room to make a sandwich.

(Authors note: After careful consideration I decided that this joke won’t make it into the show.) 

Nev: Buzz is on at The Griffin 24th March 2016 at 9.30pm 50% of each ticket will be donated towards a bee-saving charity)...

Twitter: @voodoopineapple