“I’ve seen more violent outbursts on Countdown”- Countdown outburst admirer.
On March 17th, at 10:45pm, in the Yesbar, Scott Redmond and Nick Bagshaw offer up their show Hamland: an eclectic mix of pun-driven, performance-art based poetics; observational witticisms and saxual interludes. Building on the runaway success of their relaxing holiday to Benidorm the pair are ready to serve up some next-level comedy realness in the form of a magical historical journey through the realms of pork-based meat products and terra firma. Noted for their unique stylings and high energy performances, this night promises to take you to Hamland and back, if you know what I mean. If you do, please tell us. During two half-hours of stand up expect a whirlwind tour of two bizarre and beautiful worlds from what the critics have called “a precocious talent… one to watch”, “ a neat absurdity and touch of anarchy to his material as well as a gleeful playfulness”, “a well-tapped vein of intellect infused by a worldly wisdom way beyond his years” (Redmond) and “superbly silly” “not just another gay comedian” “acerbic and awfully funny… a rip-roaring spectacle.” (Bagshaw)
In preparation, have a full history of Ham, Land and Hamland;
Ham is pork that has been preserved through salting, smoking, or wet curing, this we all know. But did you know the pig, father of all the world’s pork, was originally bred by the Ottoman empire (also famous for creating mini foot couches), for the purpose of making their overweight sheep feel better about their physique. Having lowered the rate of ovine eating disorders, the pigs were allowed to go free, wandering through the desert for many years, surviving only on manna and gluten free Haribo, until eventually they settled in what is now Alexandria (capital of Greater Hamland).
In Alexandria, they were enslaved by a pharaoh, angry that he had been usurped by “kings” in terms of importance and enraged at the arm pain caused by adhering to Egyptian walking stereotypes. Their many tasks involved grill maintenance, which is what led to that fateful day that I’m sure you all were taught about in schools.
Whilst changing a propane tank on a particularly stubborn barbecue (known back then as an outdoor cow incinerator), a pig named Porky fell onto the grill. His screams (this was back when pigs could talk and communicate, until it was bred from them to instill greater obedience) went unheard until he was found by his master several hours later, at which point he had been slow cooked to perfection. Knowing he was soon to die of smiting by God of frogs (Heket), and wanting to take his pudgy pink servant with him into the afterlife, as was traditional in whatever time this was, he ate him piece by piece.
News of this delicious use of servant spread like wildfire (as in people told each other whilst running away from the wildfire caused by faulty barbecues), and soon pork was the only meat eaten in Egypt, or Hamland as it came to be known.
The economy of this nation, precariously built on slave flesh, was faulty and shaky at best, and soon fell. Such a loss of capital meant that people soon had to start selling their Gods by the thousand, creating a vacuum filled by an entirely less holy entity; SOCIALISM.
All was good, man and pig living in harmony except when one ate the other, but it was not to last. Those in power seeked to gain more power, those in pig seeked to be eaten less and those in stirrups often rode horses. The pigs, being powerful as a source of pig meat, took control and created an Orwellian nightmare of a surveillance state, like a cross between Animal Farm and 1984. Nineteen-eighty-Farm, they called it. This is the state we find the state in now… STATE.
However, all our hotels are all inclusive, and we got a four star review on tripadvisor, so book your tickets now.
Families go free to our water-pork!!! :D :D
Ham not included!
Scott Redmond and Nick Bagshaw: Hamland is on at Yesbar on Thursday 17 March, 10.45pm. Tickets can be bought HERE.